The Burnt Toast Theory – Why You Need to Stop Settling for Less
Written by Lisa Infante - Founder of Courage to Change Collective
What Is the Burnt Toast Theory?
Ever caught yourself always taking the burnt piece of toast, literally or metaphorically, so everyone else can have the best? Yeah, that’s the burnt toast mindset, and it’s not doing you any favours. The Burnt Toast Theory is all about self-sacrifice - where you consistently put others’ needs before your own, leaving yourself with the scraps. Spoiler alert: constantly putting yourself last isn’t the badge of honour you think it is. It’s the fast track to burnout and resentment.
Why We Keep Taking the Burnt Toast
So, why do we keep doing this to ourselves? Maybe you think it makes you a better partner, friend, or parent. Maybe it’s out of fear - fear of looking selfish, fear of judgment, or just because you’ve been conditioned to always put yourself last. Here’s the truth: taking the burnt toast doesn’t make you a hero. It makes you someone who’s too exhausted or shy to show up properly for yourself or anyone else. And that, my friend, needs to stop.
The Real Cost of the Burnt Toast Mindset
Constantly putting yourself last has some serious side effects. Let’s break it down:
Resentment City: It’s a one-way ticket to feeling undervalued and annoyed. And guess what? That resentment doesn’t stay hidden; it spills over into your relationships.
Low Self-Worth: If you keep acting like your needs don’t matter, eventually you’ll believe they really don’t.
Zero Growth: You can’t grow or thrive when you’re stuck taking the leftovers of life. That’s just the reality.
The irony? Taking the burnt toast doesn’t make you more loveable or appreciated. It makes you tired, cranky, and less capable of showing up for yourself and the people who matter.
How to Stop Settling for Burnt Toast
Ready to toss the burnt toast and serve yourself the good stuff for once? Here’s how:
1. Recognise When You’re Doing It
You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. Notice when you’re putting yourself last - whether it’s always saying “yes” when you want to say “no” or sacrificing your own time and energy without thinking twice. Awareness is step one.
2. Reframe Your Thinking
Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s smart. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean others lose out; it means you’re actually capable of being there for them without the bitterness. Think of it as putting your oxygen mask on first. You can’t help anyone if you’re gasping for air.
3. Set Some Boundaries, and Stick to Them
Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out; they’re about showing up on your own terms. Start saying “no” to things that drain you and “yes” to what fuels you. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself when you’re not running on empty all the time.
4. Celebrate Your Wins
Every time you put yourself first - whether it’s speaking up for your needs, taking that break, or just choosing not to settle for less - celebrate it. This isn’t fluffy self-help talk; it’s how you teach yourself that you’re worth more than the burnt toast. Every win reinforces that you deserve better.
The Pay-off of Serving Yourself the Good Stuff
So, what happens when you stop taking the burnt toast? Everything changes. You feel more energised, you show up as a better partner, parent, friend, colleague, and your sense of self-worth skyrockets. And here’s the kicker: when you value yourself, others will too. It’s like a ripple effect that starts with you choosing not to settle for less.
Say Goodbye to Burnt Toast for Good
The Burnt Toast Theory is a wake-up call. You deserve more than the scraps. Prioritising yourself isn’t a luxury - it’s a necessity. When you stop taking the burnt toast and start choosing the good stuff, you’re not just happier; you’re better for everyone around you. So, go ahead, serve yourself first - you definitely should!
Much love and be unapologetically you!
xx Lisa
FAQs
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If you’re always prioritising others and constantly feel drained, frustrated, or overlooked, you’re likely stuck in the burnt toast mindset. Reflect on how often you put yourself last and how it impacts your mood and energy.
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Hell yeah, it is! Putting yourself first isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. When you’re looked after, you can be there for others without running on fumes. You deserve to take care of yourself just as much as anyone else.
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Start small. Say “no” when you mean it, take breaks, and prioritise what matters to you. Remind yourself that taking care of yourself benefits everyone in the long run. And remember, guilt is just a sign you’re breaking an old habit - it’ll fade.
