What is a Dictum? How Acting Like One Ruins Relationships
Written by Lisa Infante - Founder of Courage to Change Collective
What Does It Mean to Be a Dictum?
Let’s cut straight to the point - what exactly is a "dictum"? A dictum is someone who acts like a d*ck and gets stuck in victim mode. It’s that blend of crappy behaviour and playing the "poor me" card all at once. Being a dictum means constantly feeling like life happens to you, and everything is someone else’s fault. Instead of owning your choices, you end up giving away your power and, quite frankly, acting like a d*ck.
When D*ck Behaviour Meets Victim Mode
A dictum isn't just a person having a bad day or going through a rough patch (that happens to everyone). It’s more about getting comfortable in that space of blaming, complaining, and not taking any accountability for what happens in life. Dictum behaviour is basically getting stuck "at effect" - meaning life just "happens to you," and you have no control over it.
When you're in victim mode, it’s easy to start pointing fingers and blaming everyone around you. Your job sucks because of your boss. Your relationship is falling apart because of your partner. You’re not hitting your goals because the universe is out to get you. Sound familiar? That's the dictum mindset. And it’s toxic, for you and for everyone around you.
The Cost of Being a Dictum
You might think staying in victim mode is just a mindset, but the truth is, it’s destructive behaviour. When you're constantly acting like the world is out to get you, it can ruin your relationships, kill your motivation, and make you look like someone who can never take accountability. Being a dictum means that instead of standing in your power and taking charge of your life, you’re basically saying, “I’m powerless, and it’s everyone else’s fault.”
Not only does it push people away - because let’s be real, no one wants to be around that negative energy - it also means you stay stuck in the same patterns over and over. You don’t grow, you don’t change, and you miss out on opportunities to actually take control and create a life you love.
Recognising Dictum Behaviour: Are You Giving Away Your Power?
So, how do you know if you’re falling into the "dictum" trap? Here are some telltale signs:
Blame-Shifting: Whenever something goes wrong, you automatically look for someone to blame. You avoid taking any responsibility because you don’t want to look stupid, and it’s much easier to focus fault on someone else.
Zero Self-Awareness: You struggle to reflect on your own behaviour and choices. When things go sideways, the last thing you think about is how you contributed to the problem.
Refusing to Take Accountability: Owning up to mistakes and bad choices feels impossible. Instead of genuinely apologising or learning from mistakes, you find yourself constantly justifying or defending your actions, and getting stuck in excuse-mode.
Constant Complaining: Nothing is ever good enough. You’re always venting about how unfair life is, how other people have more or are doing better, but you’re not really doing anything to make things better for yourself.
If any of this sounds like you, don’t panic – you’re not an awful person! It happens to the best of us, and recognising our behaviours is the first step to change.
The Path to Accountability and Self-Awareness
The more self-awareness you develop, the easier it becomes to take responsibility and make better choices. Moving out of "victim mode" means stepping into your power and saying, “Yeah, this happened, but what can I do to change things?” It's about owning your choices, behaviours, and mindset.
Taking accountability isn’t about beating yourself up; it’s about being real with yourself. Acknowledge where you’ve gone wrong, learn from it, and make a conscious effort to do better. And the beauty of self-awareness? It gives you the power and courage to change. When you stop blaming everyone and everything else, you open the door to growth, better relationships, and a more empowered way of living.
Ditch the Dictum, Reclaim Your Power
Being a dictum is all about giving away your power. But the good news is, you can always take it back. Start by recognising those moments when you fall into victim mode, then make a conscious effort to take responsibility for your life. Remember, empowerment starts with ownership. The moment you stop acting like a victim and start acting like the hero of your own story, that's when the real magic happens.
Much love and be unapologetically you!
xx Lisa
FAQs
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If you find yourself constantly blaming others, refusing to take responsibility, and feeling powerless in your life, you might be stuck in dictum mode. Take some time to reflect on how you respond to challenges - are you blaming, or are you looking for ways to take charge?
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Absolutely! The first step is self-awareness. Once you recognise that you’re falling into victim mode, you can start to shift your mindset, take responsibility, and make positive changes to reclaim your power.
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Start by owning your choices. Instead of blaming others or feeling like life is happening to you, ask yourself, “What can I do to change this?” Embrace self-awareness, focus on solutions, and take small steps toward the life you want.
